The Conversation III

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W: Hello?

McC: Good morning Mr. President, did I catch you at a bad time?

W: No, not at all. I am just working on my legacy.

McC: How is that going?

W: It is kind of iffy right now, but I am just getting started.

McC: What does it look like so far?

W: Well, here is what I got. I began with a plain sheet of paper, drew a line down the middle to start listing Pros and Cons. So far I have more Cons than Pros.

McC: What is on your lists?

W: On the Pro side I have only one thing, “Got reelected”. On the Con side I have “Iraq, ignored pre-9/11 intelligence report, lied about nation building, Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo, torture, etc., Halliburton and Blackwater, axis of evil, wouldn’t support Kyoto Treaty, tax cuts to the rich, no energy policy, “Brownie” and Katrina, squandered the surplus, ran up the national debt and the federal deficit, ignored a culture of corruption among GOP (Delay, Abramnoff, etc.), lost respect and support for US from global community, No Child Left Behind, the prescription drug bill, illegal wiretapping, outing Valerie Plame, refusing to fund stem cell research, Rumsfeld, Gonzalez, Ridge, Scooter, and numerous other incompetent crony appointees. And that is just on the first page.

McC: Wow, you have a lot of work to do to get some of those into the other column.

W: I have some time left, plus what else do I have to do except watch you and Obama go at it?

McC: That is why I am calling, I need some help with that.

W: Sure John, just tell me where you want me to be and I will get out there and work my magic. Plus I would like to spend some time with that cutie running mate of yours. She really speaks to me.

McC: No, no, that isn’t what I need right now.

W: Then, what can it be? I already got Karl out there with you. He is such a master at the making the frivolous, nonsense seem so important. He even makes some stuff up. Remember South Carolina in 2000?

McC: [sighs] Yes I remember, and because of that I think that you owe me a couple of favors.

W: Sure John. What can I do?

McC: First could you please contact bin Laden and ask him to put out another one of his tapes, this time telling everyone that if Obama is elected that he will attack the US with even greater force than he did in 2001?

W: [laughing uncontrollably]

W: [still laughing]

McC: What was that noise?

W: [still laughing]

W: [finally gaining control] That was me falling out of my chair. I couldn’t help it, I was laughing so hard.

McC: Why?

W: Because you think that I can call bin Laden to make a tape.

McC: Why is that funny? Everyone knows that you were behind the tape that was released right before the election in 2004.

W: Yes, I was. But I don’t have call bin Laden to get a tape. We have a couple of guys that we brought up from Gitmo in the basement of the Pentagon who make all of those tapes.

McC: Really?

W: Oh, c’mon John. Didn’t you know that?

McC: I guess not. So can you get those guys to make a tape?

W: Sure, when do you want it?

McC: NOW! I am dying out here.

W: OK, I will get my guys working on that. You said that you needed two things. What is the other one?

McC: Right. I need you to call that voting machine guy.

W: Consider it done. See you in January.

McC: Thank you Mr. President.