Never Any Gas When You Really Need It

On a full flight the guy next to me, in the middle seat, who is a regular sized guy, spreads out into my space, taking the armrest and resting his leg against mine. If you liken your position in an airplane seat to that of a quarterback in the pocket directly behind the center, this guy was clearly outside the tackle box, that being his arm rests. The entire time he sits there spitting some tobacco crap into a cup and listening to cowboy music on those cheap open headphones that you purchase in flight. Even over the roar of the flight noise, I can hear this intellectually-challenged noise throughout the flight. My only defense would have been a number of good farts, but alas and alack (whatever that means) I was gasless, a rarity these days for me since I have been trying to maintain a high fiber diet. I hear that they may be eliminating the restriction of in-flight cell phone use. If that happens I will be increasing me pre-flight ingestion of legumes to fire a few volleys back at these jabbering annoyances.