Ever the Concynicist

What’s that you say? You don’t know what a concynicist is? Well it is a new term that I have coined to describe myself, equal parts of CONspiracy TheorIST and CYNIC. Concynicist, pronounced kon-SIN-eh-sist.

Anyway, I arrive at the Newark Airport in plenty of time, thanks to my good friend Frank Bresz who I met for breakfast and he paid (thanks Frank). I am there early enough that I do not get going about the long line in security and complain to the person in front of me about this process being the Bush illusion of secure air travel. I reach the guy who is stationed at the entrance to the cattle lanes, he checks my boarding pass and ID and starts writing something on a clipboard. He finishes and hands me a sheet of paper, which is a homemade form, one that has been duplicated several times not using the original each time. I ask what this is and he says, or at least I think he says because he is an ESL employee, “Give this to the guy at the metal detector” I ask “What is this?” He says the same thing. I ask “What is this for?” He again says the same thing as if there is someone behind him pulling a string to make him talk. I don’t look at it and stuff it into my shirt pocket, with no intention of giving it to anyone unless forced to. I assume that it is some kind of “random” checking process where they are going to shake me down for that package of baby wipes that I carry with me to give my ass that fresh-as-a-baby feel after my mega-fiber-induced bowel movements. I may have missed this prohibition that might have been attached to the recent “no lighters” policy on flights and do not want to take any chances. I go through security without a hitch, except, of course, having to endure that ‘I-will-now-feel-dirty-all-day’ syndrome because they have made me take off my shoes and walk across their filthy floor. When I think about it again I take out the sheet that the ESL guy handed me and look at it. It has my first name on it and the time that I arrived at his position. The guy that I should have handed this to would have filled in the time that I left security to measure the flow rate of the line. So, this was an efficiency monitoring thing, which I fully support. Had the ESL guy told me that everything would have been fine. But since he didn’t, my concynicist antennae went up and I went into you’re-not-doing-that-to-me mode. Do I feel bad about this? Kind of, but not really. This is W’s fault. He created this atmosphere where any person with half a brain starts to question any deviation in routine, especially when it comes to guys wearing uniforms, badges and/or guns. I am just a victim of his failed policies that are eroding what used to be free country.