Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Worst Flight and Other Stuff

Here is one to file away for future reference. The absolutely worst flight that one can take is from anywhere to Orlando (ATO). I am on the Houston to Orlando flight as I type this. I have flown several of these from various parts of the US and they are consistently packed with kids too small to walk and their older siblings. Today I counted 12 strollers parked at the door waiting to be loaded in the baggage compartment by patient folks who must walk up a crummy set of stairs and return down them carrying these cumbersome loads. So when you board an ATO flight there is a good chance that you will be tortured by the noise from these crumb crushers or other annoying acts. I not only have one directly behind me, but one who loves to kick the back of my seat while simultaneously putting the tray table up and down. Normally I am a fairly reasonable guy, one who usually just puts up with this stupid nonsense of parents not knowing how to make their kid behave like a civilized human being. Today will be no different because I am a confrontation-avoiding mega-wuss. But today will be much harder for me to maintain this demeanor because I have something wrong with me that is making me much less tolerant with these idiots who should be given some kind of test before boarding a plane with young children. Seems like the airlines should do this, monitor each parent’s ability to control their kids and install a “Please counsel the people behind me because their kid is driving me nuts” button overhead each seat. I have been sick since I received a root canal on 10 days ago. I have no pain in the affected tooth, but I have a headache that comes and goes, chills to the point that I cannot get warm, my neck and shoulders ache, my feet and calf muscles ache, and my hair hurts when I touch it. Add to this that I was all comfy when I boarded with an empty seat beside me when a guy decides that he doesn’t want to sit near a family, i.e., kids who are loud and obnoxious, so he decides to take the middle seat next to me. He is a young guy with shoulders seemingly wider than I am tall. To avoid touching him I have to squeeze myself against the window. Now, I do not blame the guy for moving, since he was trying to avoid some stupid people, but as soon as he sat down he started into a Chatty Kathy routine with the guy on the aisle with some boring stuff about his real estate job. In front of me is a giant-sized guy whose big head is blocking my view of the nearest TV screen. This is not a big deal since I have decided not to watch an old episode of Friends. I do question Continental’s decision to show a program like this, especially on a flight that they know will have so many children on board. This particular episode has Ross and Tom Selleck boinking Rachel and Monica, respectively. None of these folks are married. While I certainly do not care about what anyone does with anyone in their bedroom, in our outside of marriage, I am sure that there are a ton of prudes on this flight who would not appreciate this fare, let alone expose it to their children. You know, if it were up to me I would air a recent replay of a CSPAN program. Since most f the folks on this flight probably have never watched CSPAN it would be a public service to expose them to something like a Senate or House hearing where Condi Rice lies through her teeth.

I have gotten a little off topic here, and rambled a bit. I will conclude this by reminding you that the worst flight is anywhere to Orlando. (There is one flight worse than this and that is any flight taking Bush out of Washington on vacation, which is about 50% of the time that he has been in office. This ranks ahead of ATO because we are paying for it through our tax dollars, and getting the double whammy of Bush not staying in DC and doing his job. Maybe we should not complain too much about this because if he was always in DC maybe the country would be twice as fucked up. Hey, I just talked myself out of that one, and I would support Bush being on vacation full time. 2008 cannot come soon enough.) The only alternative to flying on an ATO flight is to fly into Tampa, or some other Florida destination, and drive to Orlando. I should have done this today.

2 Comments:

At 7:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there anything you don't complain about honestly who cares, kids will be kids i don't have kids but plan to. what makes you know a good parent from a bad one? what if the kids or parents where a little under the weather, them selfs. do YOU have kids and if so did they ever act like like this kids??? everyone can teach there children what they want them too know!!. or showed they follow Scotts view of been a grandfather or a fathers book!

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger Scott Hayden said...

When you do have children, please teach them to treat others with courtesy and respect. This is not my view, but a world view accepted by most reasonable humans. After you instill this in your children, as I did with mine, you will understand what unacceptable behavior is, and the thrust of my post.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home